Sheridan IngallsFebruary 09, 2016

The day Kaia entered the world.

Sheridan IngallsFebruary 09, 2016

I’m currently lying in bed, two zits have sprouted from last night (I’d like to give a quick thanks to motherhood hormones for that one) and I am watching Kaia grab for her feet in attempt to eat them – at this point this girl will put just about anything in her mouth because teething is a nightmare and everyone knows it. I can’t believe we just celebrated her six months. Like any mother, this brought me back to my earliest memories with Kaia bear, pushing her out of my Va-Jay Jay. I remember wanting to write about her birth story because a) I like when people are forced to listen to my stories and b) every woman should be able to write about their birth story and have people listen, we friggen pushed out a HUMAN, [or] we were cut wide open with all the guts and glory to bring that little bundle of joy into this world; because of that you must cheer us on and tell us how wonderful we did. SO, let’s rewind back to that crazy night and allow me to tell you how Kaia Mackenzie Smith came into the world.

APPROX. (all of this is APPROX. because let’s be real, I was a mess and can not remember for the life of me what time all of this happened.)

July 31st, 2015.

10:00AM – I have my first internal sweep at the hospital. This was not a membrane sweep (where they try to help you go into labour) this was simply a, let me see if you’re dilated and how effaced you are sweep. I was 2cm dilated, and apparently had quite a soft cervix. Now the dilating part didn’t mean a whole lot to me, some women will walk around 2cm dilated for a month before giving birth. However, I should have realized that having a super soft cervix meant something, but this was my first rodeo so I didn’t pay any mind to that either. Matt and I had planned a beach trip the following day to Pugwash, which is an hour and a half out of the city and my doctor did not tell me to bother sticking around just incase … GOOD THING I DIDN’T FEEL LIKE PUTTING ON A BIKINI.

3:00PM – I decide I want to have a BBQ and make myself look somewhat presentable. This was a strange revelation for me. Looking attractive, unless for picture purposes of course, was not something that I’ve given more than one shit about while being pregnant, but I thought, what the heck, Kaia isn’t coming anytime soon and I want to pig out and be fly while stuffing my face.

4:00PM – I randomly find myself in the nursery sitting on the rocking chair. I honestly don’t remember walking in there and when Matt asks what I’m doing, I tell him I have no idea. Apparently I had been there for 20 minutes, just casually contemplating life. I should have taken this as another sign, but I’m oblivious at this point, food is on my mind. I begin to cry, pregnancy hormones are out of this world, so this didn’t seem like anything out of the ordinary.

6:00PM – The BBQ is on and I am feeling finnneee. So much selfie action going on, my big belly is taking up almost half of the pictures and I am stuffing my face with literally every food imaginable.

8:00PM – I drive my brother home after the BBQ. I’ve been complaining about having weird cramps but I’ve been attributing it to my internal sweep, I was told I might cramp from it, so that didn’t seem far off.

8:30PM – Well, things took a turn quite quickly. Matt’s Mom was heading out of town for the weekend and she was dropping off Oscar, the dog. I came home and immediately went upstairs to the bathroom. I don’t think I need to elaborate on what happened in there, but just know it wasn’t pretty.

8:35PM – Matt’s calling me from downstairs

“SHERIDAN?” My Mom is here with Oscar”.
“OK, LEAVE ME ALONE, I’M IN THE BATHROOM.”

8:37PM – I notice there is blood, lots of blood, but I am trying not to panic. I figure hey, maybe (not even close to convinced) these are contractions so just for the fun of it, I better check my new App. I started timing my contractions on my phone to get a better idea of what my insides are up to. I am still sitting on the toilet.

8:45PM – I’ve gotten up from the toilet but I’m naked (I’m always naked, I literally ran upstairs when I got home and ripped off my clothes because clothes are the worst and I felt terrible and I wanted to free myself of all garments.) Matt tries to come in the bathroom to check on me and I tell him to wait until I come out and I’ll update him.

8:46PM – “SHERIDAN, don’t keep me out the loop! What is going on in there? ARE WE HAVING A BABY OR WHAT?” (Keep in mind I am ten days early, with my first born, so I am having a hard time believing that this is actually happening.)

8:47PM – Tumbleweeds as I refuse to talk back to Matthew and am busy concentrating on my contractions.

8:48PM – Matt storms in the bathroom while I’m hunched over the counter, butt naked, a hot, hot mess.

8:49PM – “UGH, get out! Let me just finish up in here GOD.” As he is trying to rub my back and make me feel better. (HINT to all men: When women are in labour, they don’t like to be touched, ESPECIALLY having their belly rubbed.)

8:50PM – I go back into the bedroom, I only feel a tiny bit bad for being a jerk while in the washroom. I tell Matt to hop in the shower while I continue monitering my pain. Either way, if we’re heading to the hospital he should smell nice for all the nurses.

9:00PM – I call my parents who were staying at a cottage 40 minutes out of the city and tell them I’m heading to the hospital. I specifically say, do not bother coming in until they tell me what’s up – of course they leave the instant we get off the phone.

(I remember someone telling me to not go into the hospital until you can no longer speak through your contractions. I waited.)

9:30PM – It was time to get rockin’. Matt was wondering what we needed to pack and how to get ourselves organized. Of course, I already had everything packed and ready to go in the car, gotta love women huh?

9:31PM – We remember Oscar. What the flick are we going to do with Oscar? I call my brother Jesse up. We’re going to drive him down to his place and head to the hospital from there.

9:32PM – Matthew “(insert a bunch of profanity about having Oscar on this day of all days)”

9:40PM – We’re at Jesses and Matt’s inside dropping Oscar off. I’m in the car holding my breathe and hating my life.

9:45PM – Matt gets back in the car. “WHY DID I JUST TAKE FIVE MINUTES TO EXPLAIN HOW TO GIVE OSCAR DOG FOOD?” Men are really great under stress, am I right?

9:50PM – Get to the bridge to find out it’s closed and we have to drive to the other one. It takes about five minutes to drive to the other bridge, but I can promise you it felt like an eternity.

10:10PM – We’re at the hospital, thank the Lord because Matt is driving like a crazy man and I can’t handle his shenanigans anymore.

10:13PM – We head to the admitting room. “Hi there, why are you here this evening?” “WHY DO YOU THINK I’M HERE AT 10PM HOLDING MY BELLY.”(in my brain) “Oh hello, I believe I am having contractions, I’m hoping a nurse can help me.”(from my mouth)

10:15PM – The nurse brings us into the elevator and upstairs. I should probably mention that I have been stopping in the bathroom every single second that I have to spare, I have essentially labelled it Sheridan’s restroom.

10:20PM – We’re in the room, to be honest, I don’t even know what to call this room .. I’m going to call it the room before the real room. She’s busy checking to see how dilated I am. I would like to mention that this woman was not very friendly, in fact she was quite saucy and at a time where I basically feel like my insides are dying a slow death, I would have preferred to feel more comfortable. She told me I was 3cm dilated. I didn’t really clue in ..

“Does this mean I’m staying here or do I get to go back home and sleep?”

“You won’t be heading home anytime soon. Go walk around outside for a few hours and come back later.”

I’m leaving out some of her rude remarks just incase she stumbles across my blog and decides to hunt me down.

10:40PM – Here we are, outside, walking around the beautiful garden in front of the IWK attempting to make it from bench to bench. I am quite literally clenching Matt’s hand so tightly that it goes numb. This pain is unbearable.

Sidenote: They say a “normal” birth time for your first is usually anywhere between 12-48 hours, so I was convinced that this was only going to get worse and I was being a big wuss.

10:50PM – I am in so much pain I can’t walk anymore. Matt is trying to drag me from bench to bench but it’s just too much. I projectile vom everywhere.

10:51PM – Matt is trying hard to comfort me but he doesn’t do so well with throw up, so I’m all “MATT LOOK AWAY OR YOU’RE GOING TO PUKE.” He’s all “No no, it’s fine babe (making dry heaving noises)”

Cue my parents pulling up with our dog. You have to understand that everyone in my family, including my brother and I go to bed early, and by early I mean 8, latest. Seeing my parents out and about in the middle of the night – we’ll call it the middle of the night because it is for us – was quite the sight. For a second I thought they had become zombies, I just couldn’t figure out how they managed to be up this late.

10:55PM – My mother gives me one up and down and tells me to go back inside and get checked again. She knows I have a high tolerance for pain and that I am not OK. I protest .. “But I don’t wannnna go in and see the mean nurse, she’s just going to kick me back out.”

10:56PM – My mom being a mom goes in for me and comes back out promptly “Sheridan, she says go back inside.” (YEAH, sure she does)

11:00PM – I head back inside, lie on the gurney and waddya know .. I’ve dilated to 7cm in twenty minutes, let me repeat myself, 3cm to 7cm in TWENTY MINUTES.

I forgot to mention when I first met with the nurse she had asked me if I was planning on having an epidural. I told her that I wanted any sort of drug I could get my hands on, legally or illegally. She informed me that the anesthesiologist was currently in the OR and I would have to wait until I came back from walking around outside. SO HERE I AM. IT’S NEXT TIME, and of course, they’re still in the OR. I’m not surprised, it had only been twenty minutes, but I am not happy. My memory is a little foggy, it was all happening so quickly but I’m pretty sure the nurse decided to stop being a witch and helped me waddle into the delivery room. Quite honestly, time frames are not existent past this point. All I know is Kaia was delivered at 12:54AM and in between that there was laughing gas that made me feel nice and weird, my mother smiling at the top half of my body, Matthew freaking out at the bottom half and Kaia being pushed out in ten minutes.

PLEASE NOTE:

The ring of fire is very real.
Be prepared for the nurse to push on your belly as soon as you are relaxed. No one warned me about this, it was basically as terrible as childbirth. It is important that they make sure you won’t hemorrhage but geesh, must you be so rough? Sigh.
You will forever look at your child and think, “I pushed you out of my VAGINA?”
Kaia has been in my world for six months and I one hundred percent forget the pain of childbirth. I remember the moment, but I don’t remember the feeling; this is why women don’t think they’re crazy for going through it all over again; in reality we’re all nuts.
Expect many, many tears.
Nothing, and I mean nothing will prepare you for childbirth and the love you will have for that tiny human, it truly is unfathomable.