It's a BOY?

Happy, healthy baby – that is all a mama-to-be dreams about. The first question I ask every time (by every time I mean twice) from our ultrasounds .. “ten fingers and ten toes?” When Kaia was hanging out in my belly I was always so worried, I couldn’t help it. I had those new Mama bear instincts settling in and I was always thinking about her. To make matters worse, I had an anterior placenta, and yes, I do again for this little dude, UGH. For those of you who are lucky enough to not have this happen, an anterior placenta is when your placenta develops wherever the fertilized egg embeds in your uterus. An anterior placenta means that your placenta is positioned on the front wall of your uterus. In other words, I never felt Kaia move, and by never I mean not nearly as often as other expecting Mama’s would. I remember my doctor telling me that by my third trimester I should be feeling her six times every two hours – sometimes, I wouldn’t feel Kaia for two days. It was not awesome. This of course, made my worry-0-meter sky rocket even more. All to say, you can’t help but worry with that precious little miracle lounging inside of your big ol’ belly.

Not too long ago, revealing your babies gender prior to birth wasn’t much of a thing. Because of that, I think that “gender disappointment” was much less common. Moms would have just gone to war to deliver their baby and regardless of a little girl or a little boy entering the world, they were happy to have them in the outside world and simply enjoy the moment. Now however, you have months and months to analyze your future and what you and your partner have created.

Here is what I think: Regardless of whether you have a boy or a girl, you will face a slight tinge of gender disappointment – even if you end up getting what you had “wanted”. The reason I say this is because when you first find out that you’re expecting you naturally will visualize a future with both a girl, or a boy and once you find out the gender (if you decide you want to) you will mourn the loss of that fantasy that you had visualized.

I am SO excited we’re having a boy I could puke. I am actually shocked, like I’m talking SHOCKED that the tiny human inside my belly has a wiener. Everyone kept telling me I was having a boy. I know they did that because I already had a Kaia. Sometimes I wanted to sock them in the face. Stop telling me I’m having a boy to leave me disappointed if we have another girl! My wonderful family members that I adore would even say that they would be upset if I was having another girl. LIKE WHAT? Hush. People don’t understand to SHUT THE *&^$ UP until they are pregnant themselves. Anyways, with all that being said, what do you think I did? I planned for another girl. And to be honest, by the time I was done planning, I was thrilled at the idea of two little queens running around my house. Matt wanted another girl, he loves his little mama so much that he couldn’t wait to have another just like her. So guess what? When I opened that box of balloons I was so surprised that I didn’t know how to react. I was convinced there would be pink balloons in there. It didn’t matter that I wanted a boy, in my heart of hearts late one night I told Matt that if I TRULY had to decide I would love a little boy. But at that exact moment, it didn’t matter, I had a tiny case of gender disappointment simply because of what I had built up in my head.

THIS does not make me a bad person – it makes me human. Everyone will say that they feel guilty for being sad. It is OK, we have emotions, that’s allowed. It doesn’t matter that you’re a little sad because trust me, you’ll get over it, and quick. And if you don’t, by the time that little ham looks up at you for the first time, you will feel like a real dummie for even considering that you were remotely upset about it.

Motherhood is a crazy, crazy ride, and I love being on the rollercoaster. I cry every day, I laugh every day, I pull my hair like a mad woman every day, I smile to myself because my heart bursts with joy every day. What I do know is that babies are a miracle and this little dude is bound to be the coolest cat around town. Good thing I already have way too many gender neutral clothes. Every where we go Kaia is referred to as a boy so hey, I might as well keep the clothes for good use!

Bring on the next twenty weeks.

    xx,

  Sheridan